Now, you must be wondering what am I writing? Title indicates that its about tashan movie but here I am narrating my sad kitchen story. Actually its been quite some time
since I saw a good bollywood masala film and I was awaiting Tashan's release especially to see Bachan Pande (AK). What was dished out by director was no different from my cooking disaster.It looked like director Vijay acharya saw few movies (most probably some tarantino flicks) and thought lets make a similar type of Hindi one. Revenge-for-family-honour plot has always worked in bollywood. Tashan was also based on same lines. He started narrating it in Tarantino style, present-flash back-present-future. Funny don, a femme assistant, couple of jackass side kicks and in middle of this was our good old hamming saif (Somebody should ask him to loosen up. One shouldn’t always pretend to be a tight ass rock star. It doesn’t suit him. All of us adore that fool DCH Saif). First half went on a like normal Hindi movie. Straight forward story, Everybody over-acting (apart from AK), out-of-plot-but-on-exotic-location songs. Though Karina looked anorexic. She has lost too much of fat for her own good. She is too bony now. Movie was still tolerable as Akshay was introduced. What a refreshing change. Real sincere actor who gets under the skin of character invariably in all his movies (though he gets too sincere while doing pelvic thrusting dance steps).
Second half opened in a desert when intolerable anil kapoor came riding on a desert scooter (In Rajasthan!!!! imagine). Next shot, all four stars were fighting black cat commandoes who come from no where in true NYPD style jumping from choppers and our khiladi Akshay was dodging AK 56s while jumping on drums in a sequence ripped from the free running chase sequence from casino royale. Black cats obviously got defatted but our director added a DON style twist by killing the honest cop who knew saif was a good boy (though this twist dies with this scene itself). Then, KK, SAK & AK criss-cross across Rajasthan, Ladakh and Kerala looking for 25 crores and you are left wondering why would anyone hide such amount in huts, with camel riders, with kathakalis and in boats. And then director takes us back into 80s when he ties the loose ends of puzzle where you realise that baali umar ka pyar between Akhshay and Karina was nipped in its buds when bhaiyya ji (Anil) killed Karina’s father and took over his legacy to become top gunda of Kanpur. All in front of Gudiya’s (Karina) young impressionable eyes. This instigates Karina to be cold blooded bitch and embark on a revenge mission. Wow, so damn original. (On other note, Karina is playing a real bitch in next yash raj cartoon movie.)
Then came the point when movie reached its idiotic zenith. Climax. It was "inspired" from so many different movies that you lose the count after a while. Bizli ke jhatke scene from a Vijaykanth movie (Tamil sunny deol). Akshay on free running race to dodge hundreds of thousands of millions bullets. Again. All three come out unscathed from a super powerful hand grenade attack. Then there is Break-the-pole-and-make-gundas-fly scene from Sivaji. Akhshay fights shaolin monks on electricity tower. karina kills Bhatia ji in true Achilles style. Saif burned thugs to ashes with his fire gun and then he does a "Fly the water scooter from a nala" stunt in dhoom style I suppose (and you wonder what is water scooter doing in middle of Mumbai at don's lanka). Climax was not over yet. Defeated but still alive Anil threw his final dice. He came out in true knight style brandishing double edged swords in both hands on a RICKSHAW instead of horse!!!!!!!!!! How symbolic. It was three on one. But our heroes played it fair and let Uma Thurman oops karina kill bill urf bhayya ji (Anil Kapoor) but movie goes on even after that, narrating the story after end where Saif owns a all girl call centre and Akhsay declares while holding his crotch ki uski biwi (Karina) ne ghoonte se baandh rakha hai. Terrible is the only word you can think of.
This movie is classic case of adding too many masalas, combining too many recipes but forgetting about basic theme. Director didn’t know what he was cooking. In the end what you get is a mix veg, chicken, pork, bacon & meat stew which is so terrible that you can not even taste (at least my chhole were edible with curd). They say "too many cooks spoil the broth". Same holds true when you add too many masalas as well. Songs are ok but movie is long and unending (same as this blog actually). I am thinking really hard if I have seen a movie worse then this. You expect some standard from Yashraj films but they are trying too hard to touch new lows with every release. I think this is worse movie I have ever seen. If you have seen even worse then do let me know. I would like to see that as well kyonki kehte hai ki aadmi agar ek baar jail ka khana kha le to vo kuch bhi kha sakta hai and this movie is worse then that as well. Phew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And, for those who want to know what does Tashan means. Some say its style, some say attitude and some say sense of doing something really cool. To me, its all three and much more. Somthing which you can not really define in words or constraint it to one definition. It is.....................different :))
